Wednesday, May 21, 2008

An Agreement.

We have an agreement with the bank. They do not sell soup. We do not cash checks.

This platitude hangs on the wall of an all-too-clever cafe in southern California. In this cafe, an oil man named Ross is pointing to this wall-hanging to explain that yes, he will indeed sell oil to the Europeans who are asking, but they must pay for the oil with American dollars.
He isn't concerned with exchange rates and messy things beyond his scope of knowledge. He is an oil man. Paul Thomas Anderson has him say aloud, "if I say I'm an oil man you will agree." In Upton Sinclair's Oil! he is Ross. In There Will Be Blood the man is Daniel Plainview. Oil is what he knows. Oil is what he gets, what he profits from, what he succeeds at.

I like that. And in this sense, I know not what I am. I am not a farmer. I am not a pressman. I am not an advertising man. I hope someday I discover what it is I can be confident in am and choose to do.
I am moving to Philadelphia on Saturday. A few people have asked me if I have a job there. Or at least if I know what I'll try to do. I do not. I'll most likely take a job to get by. My girlfriend is there now, with a job that may lead into a career. That's very intriguing to me as I can't even imagine such a job for myself. What form it would take to suggest a future for me. Is that something I should know by now?


Blogger laughjon said...

Good luck in Philly. I actually went to school very near there. It's a surprisingly nice town. You'll enjoy it.

May 21, 2008 at 3:45 PM  
Blogger estelluxx said...

Whether you are supposed to know is anyone's opinion. Mine is that no one ever really knows. People who have been in their careers for 20 years don't know. People who love their jobs and are doing what they thought they always wanted to do don't know. You can't ever be sure, I don't think. There is always something else you could have done. Even my father born to teach was born to do a lot of other things as well.

May 22, 2008 at 2:39 PM  
Blogger estelluxx said...

laughjon: philly is SURPRISINGLY nice?!
i wasn't surprised.

May 22, 2008 at 7:18 PM  
Anonymous Susan said...

I grew up right outside of Philly. It has its good points and bad, probably more on the good side. You'll have many opportunities there, at least, and hopefully one of them will turn into something you enjoy. In the meantime, enjoy being with your girlfriend and the rest will fall into place sooner or later :-)

May 23, 2008 at 4:14 PM  

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